Cat Alarms

There are a few videos on YouTube showing cats waking up their owners. Mr Fluffy, as that is what I call him, bangs on the bedroom door if my human doesn't get up.

My approach is more subtle. After all I am Titus the coolest cat around.

Although I haven't drunk any milk yet and I am told that it is 'cool for cats'.

There is an alarm that goes off every morning at about 6.30am. It sounds like crickets churruping. So I know that my human is going to get up, so I sit and wait while she rubs her eyes.

Why do humans rub their eyes?

I mean I don't rub my eyes.

I just blink and squint a little and then open my eyes, WIDE!

I know I am going to get some food once the alarm has gone off, so there really is no need to waste energy bothering my human.

However, there are the odd days, and they really are odd as the morning routine is all wrong, when she does not get up at 6.30am and the alarm goes off later. 

This is when I need to give her a little nudge.

Tactics I have used so far:

Biting the cheek - got a tap on the nose for that.

Nibbling the eyebrow - got a push for that.

Pinging the bra strap - got picked up and put on the floor for that one!

Licking the eyebrow - that was a good one, until she put her hands over her face, so I chewed on her fingers instead.

I did try sticking my nose in her eye to see if it would open, but I found myself severely reprimanded. 

I mean what is wrong with my nose?

Am I a teenager yet?

OK, so I have not written anything for two weeks. Well I have been busy. Busy having fun and trying to grow up so that I don't fall through the stairs and still stay young and playful so I can race up behind Fluffy and leap on his tail.

That's his fault for waving it about like a semaphore flag.

What does he expect me to do? ignore it?

It's like waving a red rag in front of a bull, or dangling a carrot in front of a donkey or a mouse in front of me.

That reminds me.

Mum bought me a new rat the other day - it was brown and looked rather naughty to me, so I picked it up in my mouth and hid it under the bed.

I'll deal with it later.

Recently, I discovered a contraption that my humans call a television. There are things that move inside it. I have tried to see what is going on behind but all I can find are wires.

Sometimes there are humans or other animals stuck inside this giant box on the wall - I am not sure how they get out.

I wonder if I sit in front of it, whether the humans will sit and look at me instead?

The question at hand is whether I am turning into a teenager.

The other morning, the alarm went off, I heard it and I heard Mum get up. But I didn't, I stayed in bed. That's what teenagers do.

Mum took me down for breakfast, but I didn't like the smell of the cat food, I mean it stank. How can I eat something like that?

So I refused my food.

That got her worried.

She cooked me fresh chicken.

That can't be bad.

Maybe I should try being a teenager more often?

Phew! what a week

So, what have I been up to for the last week?

I've been on Twitter quite a lot.

Cute blue bird, but it doesn't move, rather like the butterflies on the duvet cover.

These are amazing for pouncing on as they don't fly off. However, after a while, it gets rather boring if your prey doesn't move.

Great things beds, especially when they are being made.

Last Friday I had another go about being a pirate cat. Didn't really work.


I slipped off eventually and smacked the keyboard - mmm, I was not very popular.

So I then sat on the bamboo tablet and made a mess of Mum's artwork.

Definitely not popular.

I shall not try being a pirate cat again for a while.

There was one way around the unpopularity - crawl down, look cute and fall asleep on an arm.

That worked.


The shower is still a source of wonderment.

I mean all that rain pouring over a human and all that foamy stuff. I still think a quick lick and a chew are better, but that's the funny thing about humans.

I think I heard something about being a psycho cat from Bates Motel. Not sure what that is, but I don't think it was meant as a compliment.

I shall keep that in mind in future, but it won't stop me from watching the shower.

Humans have these lumps of paper that they look at, they are called books. They are rather like a newspaper wrapped in a colourful cover.

They also make patterns on plain paper with sticks. Some of it is called algebra. Don't think I want to learn about that, it looks too boring. I would rather chase things and explore behind the plant pots.

Ha ha, no one can reach me when I do that.

I have also recently discovered that you cannot eat everything that falls on the floor.

There is this stuff that makes a chink when it drops. It is called money, or coins. It slides around the floor quite easily, but you definitely cannot eat it.

Smells funny anyway.


The start of my really great, titanic Titus adventures started when I gallumped down stairs. It is called gallumping because when you are small, you have to put your front legs on the step first and sort of gallump your back legs afterwards. Then you do the same onto the step below.

Getting to the landing was a huge success, especially as the stairs have holes in them.

Mum told me to be careful or I might fall through.

Na! How could I ever be so clumsy as to do that?

Whoops!

I fell through a whole flight of stairs.

Ew that hurt.

Hurt my bottom.

So I went and hid.

I think it freaked my humans out as they found a few drops of blood.

Don't they know I am a cat and I have nine lives??

How not to get shut in the fridge

Adventure time yesterday.

I bounded downstairs, or rather I felt like I was bounding downstairs - I am not allowed on the stairs yet as they have holes in between them. 

Something about falling through.

The visit was to the kitchen. There was cooking going on. And stuff outside, and then there are cupboards but you can't open them unless you are really strong.

One day I am going to be extremely strong.

There is this large grey metal box that when the door gets opened, gives you a quick blast of cold. I tried climbing in to investigate, but then the door started to close. 

I think I shall give the fridge a pass for the moment. 

Maybe I'll save that for another day.

I found corn chips as well when she wasn't looking - they make a crunch noise when you eat them - like munchy cat food.

Cooking means meals, that means food, which in turn involves eating. 

Tomato sauce with lots of vegetables chopped into it is a little green for me. 

I wondered if it was for me or whether I would get some more of that Burp cat food - excellent stuff that!

I decided the only way was to make sure that my human knew that Burp was for me and tomatoes are a no-no.

I think she got the point.

Advice - don't piss on the bed

After the Sunday night adventure of a huge flying cockroach visiting the bedroom - even I was scared so I hid under the bed, everyone was rather tired.

Mum screamed, Max who had come in the room screamed, grabbed a pillow and pulled the duvet off the bed, just in case. Good thing he did!

Then Mum did that hissy zapping thing with the Bagon mega death breath gun. The roach flittered, fluttered and landed on the clean sheet of the bed. 

I popped my head out from under the table to see what was going on.

More screams, so I hid again.

Then it got exciting. Roach removed and disposed of. Bedsheets removed and changed. Ooh - ooh, what fun it is when the bed gets changed for a second time in the same day!

Then the humans went to sleep. Only I wanted to play.

That was Sunday.

Monday: Mum looked like a zombie, only I could see her eyes were real and her skin wasn't falling off. I don't know how I knew that about zombies, but I did. I think I overheard it on the TV.


I noticed that Mum drinks out of a tall pot of water, so I decided to try my hand or mouth at that yesterday - I have given up on the tea thing, it just tastes strange. Then I went on a technology exploration.

Rather a good idea having so much water, but it might get difficult when my head grows.

So with all that water in my stomach, and all the excitement of bed time, I had an accident. On the new bed covers and duvet. It was clear liquid, so I didn't think it mattered. But it did.

I got shut in the bathroom.

That wasn't fair.

So I complained.

And then I protested. 

I was quite proud of my protest.

Mum called me a delinquent kitten. Not sure what that means, but I think it means she was not very happy with me.

A Day at the Office

After my fiasco with Google, I decided that paper was probably a better idea.

I tried eating paper tissue, but it sticks to your tongue and newspapers are best read shredded. What fun that is! But the taste of the black and coloured stuff on the newspaper is rather bitter.


Today, after a breakfast of that Burp cat food - it is growlingly good stuff - I got to work.

Under the desk.

There is a box of files and papers for easy access, and easy seating, not to mention giving me unbridled access to a plethora of wires that hang down the back of the main desk.

Mmmm, chewing wires sounds like a constructive - or maybe the word is destructive? - activity.


Going to the office is linked to something called work. My human sits at a desk and her paws tap a grey metal thing with symbols on it. It makes a clicking sound, which is rather intriguing. I keep trying to investigate, but she picks me up and removes me from the proximity of this thing she calls a keyboard.

Parrot cat

I decided to set myself to work on my own projects. This involves some physical activities such as exploring, jumping, leaping over the key board.

When I don't get access to the desk, then I practice my climbing - I've found that I can climb onto shoulders and create a parrot cat distraction. I wonder if the purpose of a cat is to create distractions?

Not sure about that green tea thing

Going to work you get to take breaks from time to time. My human drinks green tea. I tried it but don't think much of it. I think I shall stick to water. As for eating fruit ... grapes are OK for rolling around.

Once I get bored with all of that, I go back to killing the toy rat ten times, dragging that stupid teddy bear my human bought me around and showing him who is boss.

Such hard work.

Exhausting that work stuff

Good job there is a comfy bed close by.

Human Hygiene

There's that noise of water again

It has come to my attention that humans do not lick themselves to get clean.

This is rather perplexing.

I mean how do they wash?

Since I arrived, I have heard the sound of running water many times, and it was not the rain. Eventually, I found an area of the bathroom country that is often covered in puddles of water, which my human then mops up.

Goodness me, if she did all that pee, then it really is a lot! No wonder she needs such a large litter tray.

Then I realised that the pools of water had nothing to do with the litter tray. Humans have a litter tray that you sit on and then it sucks everything away. I want to see inside, but my human keeps closing the lid and telling me not to jump in.

Silly human, doesn't she understand, that is what kittens do - jump inside things!

Now back to the water thing.

Well, I decided, being a curious cat and because cats are supposed to be curious, to check it out.

I bounded up to where the noise was coming from and banged my head.

Smack!

There is water on the other side!

I think what hit me is called a shower door. Honestly, it is transparent, how am I supposed to see that. It is some evil Zargon trickery to make kittens bump their heads. (Zargon is the evil monster who zarged our cat planet many moons ago, which is why we live on Earth now).

Once I had stopped seeing birds and stars - birds are fun, you can chase them, but then they fly away - I noticed that my human was on the other side. She was using something called shampoo and shower gel and then standing under a torrent of water!

Water? She was getting herself wet!

Water is for drinking.

This is certainly not a very efficient way to wash. So I am going to stick to the cat way for now.